I’m not sure when my prayer period began tonight as far as the time on the clock goes. It began quite spontaneously. I was having a snack, and my Father just was suddenly there with me. It seemed so very natural, like a friend dropping in for a meal. We spent most of the time just being together, sharing love, but then He recalled to me a dream I had a few nights ago that I had forgotten about. In the dream, I was back in high school trying to get home from downtown. Mother Theresa of Calcutta had died, and the nation was plunged into mourning for her. Traffic was monstrous—the government had been let out early. In actuality, the scenes of confusion and panic were drawn from my memories of trying to get home from school the day Pres. Kennedy was shot. (1)

It was getting dark, but the street vendors were still trying to sell religious trinkets to the people in the crowds. I stopped by one of the stands and was disgusted by the cheap plastic statues and rosaries they were hawking in “honor” of the new saint. Then it was fully dark, but there was a lamppost nearby. A priest stood in the pool of light beneath it. I was very frightened of being in the dark street with all the panicking people and wanted very much to go over and stand with the priest. I knew I couldn’t, though, because I wasn’t “consecrated.” I woke up trying to figure out how I could become “consecrated,” but I was so relieved to know that Mother Theresa was still alive that I forgot about the dream until now.

The darkness and light symbolisms are easy enough to understand, but what troubles me is the “consecration.” Whatever it is, I feel called to it, but I don’t know what it is I’m being called to. If I were a young man, I would think it to be the priesthood, but it obviously can’t be that. Nor could it be the religious life. I’m not healthy, and I have a minor child, not to mention the fact that I have a husband running around somewhere! I tried to ask my Father about it, but He had withdrawn. I know He heard my questions, though, and will answer when the time is right. (2)

(1) Current comment: I live in Washington, DC.

(2) Spiritual director: Let’s keep this in mind. It may have more than one meaning.