I came to my Father very heavily burdened tonight. All through school, John has had serious problems with his penmanship. Some of his teachers have accused him of being lazy, of not wanting to try harder, and have even failed him on papers that were otherwise correct, or had very few errors. As he grows older, these teachers are becoming even less tolerant of his childish scribble. He is responding with a fear of putting words on paper. While he will give encyclopedic verbal answers, written reports are usually incomplete. His grades are falling off, and he has been showing physical symptoms of stress.

I took him to the doctor today for this, again. Previous doctors had said he would outgrow it. This one, however, said that John has a definite physical disability – either arthritis of the hands, or a neuro-muscular disorder. Neither is curable, but can be compensated for with “lifestyle” changes, alternative to the usual ways of doing things. Once the situation is properly documented, the school (and later, employers, etc.) will be required to allow him to type, use verbal responses, or grant him extra time for writing, etc. Creative problem solving will be important, but he offered a great deal of hope.

He is also sure there are psychological problems of John to overcome because of insensitive teachers. On Friday, he begins seeing a psychologist for further documentation and for help. While I feel hopeful for John, I’m already staggering under the medical bills – nearly $200 for today’s blood tests, alone.

This evening I realized that I had a more serious problem. I found a lot of bitterness and anger in me toward some of the less-patient teachers that he’s had, and guilt because I’ve let things go this long without having taken stronger action. All I could do was bundle it all up and give it to my Father to cure.

While at prayer, He led to try to see things through the teachers’ eyes. That helped me understand them better and be more forgiving. I still have a way to go, though. Hurting John is worse to me than hurting me! But, I know my Father will help me grow in love for them.

As for my own guilt, He recalled to my mind everything I have tried to do in the past to help John with this problem. He reminded me that the timing is in His hands. Now, not then, is the best time for the problem to be taken care of. (1)

He turned me to the future, then. He showed me that all would be well financially. He showed me that once everything is documented, I will need to have a conference with all John’s teachers, and how I will have to be firm in insisting on John’s rights as a disabled person. He even brought to my mind many practical little ideas to help John. He even prompted me to ask the teachers to contribute their creativity to the problem-solving aspects.

My Father was very good to me despite my anger and bitterness. I know He will continue His goodness in this, and in all things.

(1) Spiritual director: I hope this consoled you somewhat.