I began tonight by putting myself at my Father’s service, (1) then waited a few minutes to see where He would lead me—either to the retreat, or elsewhere. He took me to the Prayer of Quite. An uneasiness came over me as I prayed, the kind that makes you want to keep looking over your shoulder, then the tongues swelled up from inside me. I knew I was sharing someone else’s anxiety, and my prayers were joining his or hers. After a while, He briefly showed me the situation. I didn’t see the person, but, rather, saw through his or her eyes! “We” were walking down a dark street in a very rundown neighborhood, just the kind of street where you would want to keep looking over your shoulder.

The prayer lasted a while longer, and then it was the Prayer of Quiet again. As it was on the first night I prayed with others, this was a sign of serious work being done within me. So, I stayed very, very still. The “consecration” of my Mother Theresa dream kept coming to my mind, and I got the feeling that these healings are in preparation for that. I wanted to ask my Father about it, but I didn’t want to disturb what was happening. (2) After about a half-hour, I drifted off to sleep. I woke up several times and knew He was still working. When the prayer period came to an end, He was still with me, still working. I wasn’t sure what to do, but He gave me the impression that this would be a long session, and that I should go to bed. This I did with a minimum of movement so as not to disturb what was happening. I woke up several times during the night, and He was still with me.

Something just occurred to me. At my morning prayer time, the other day, I had the tongues swell up out of me but was given no explanation for it. Later, I learned that John’s godfather had died around that time. I don’t know for sure, or course, but feel, now, that my prayers may have been to help ease his passing. It would have been a kindness for my Father not to tell me the situation that time.

As I was writing that, just now, I saw light flashing off the blade of a knife, and a terror-filled prayer came up out of me. It’s shaken me a bit. Just thinking about that moment of terror gibes me the chills, but I know my Father’s will was done in that horrible situation. He is bringing good from that terrible evil.

Well, I declared war on evil. (3) I aligned my will with my Father’s for the good of my brothers and sisters, and it seems He doesn’t turn away volunteers. I don’t mean to sound glib about this. I’m still shaking over the knife thing. The terror was so real for me! The whole idea of my being able to be with these people, to feel with them, to pray with them, and to physically feel God’s power go into their lives is utterly awesome to me. And I feel this is just a beginning. I‘m overwhelmed by it all.

(1) Spiritual director: Back for more? Didn’t you have enough the night before? You must really trust that your good God will sustain you. It’s so profound. I thank God for His gifts to you and His people.

(2) Spiritual director: This is good. It may not be preparation for “consecration” per se, but something very unique and so far unknown to us. I’m glad you didn’t disturb Him at this time, but left it for Him with trust and abandonment.

(3) Spiritual director: This is dangerous, too. Evil is strong. You will need a lot of trust and to keep looking at Jesus.